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Looking For Change


Within five minutes of waking up this morning, the word or thought of change must have crossed my mind ten times.  I certainly wished it was not time to get up and would have like to have changed the fact that I thought it was a good idea to clean up my basement and go to bed at 3 AM.  I would have done anything  to change my mission of going  downstairs to my son’s room to try to pry him from his bed for school.  Then there was the date on the milk container, the fact that I forgot to turn on the dryer after I washed a load of much needed socks, and the fact I decided to live in New Jersey instead of Miami during the winter.

I think most of us have stumbled on things we would like to have changed in our lives.  Who hasn’t lamented on the love we let slip through our fingers, the career we should have pursued or the comment we made about our wife’s pants that might have appeared too tight or our husband decision not to follow the GPS?  The reflection of change can be good because it challenges us to make better choices in the future and not to travel roads too dark to navigate.

I have found myself challenged, at times, with the incessant need to change the people in my life.  Age somehow puts us in the precarious position of watching your children heading toward the same mistakes you made.  Your spouse couldn’t possibly want to attend the neighborhood party wearing what he selected from his closet. And my favorite…spending hours trying to convince someone who doesn’t like you that you are worthy of their affection.  Who wouldn’t want to change those pending dooms?

Then life has this great way of course correcting us.  Frustration of daily bumps, aching hearts of missed opportunities, and broken relationships quickly teach us that the only thing we can change is ourselves.  If you are like me, I was quite shocked that I was in need of any alteration but a closer examination revealed a plethera of miscontrued ideas and misdirected channels of love.  After I recovered from the dismal revelation, I began to appreciate the bumps a little more.  My sons were happy with a bagel this morning instead of a bowl of cereal, the extra long short cut provided the discovery of a sweet little antique store and some of the people I spent so long trying to change were finally released and  set free on their own journey.  My life started having more appreciation for the amazing cashmere sweater that I put on that would have never worked in Miami and that life had a way of putting the right people in our lives to love and to be loved by the way we deserve and the joys of being in love could once again be part of my equation.

I am far from cured.  There are somedays I still wish to see my Nan one more time and for the price of gas to be reflective of the 70’s but for the most part I am really happy to be tapped on the shoulder by life when I fall off my path and to be sure enough of myself to not make changes that others have suggested that are not true to who I am.

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One response

  1. Pretty good stuff…I try to remember the past but not relive it and don’t obess over the future because I can’t control it.

    January 4, 2012 at 7:53 PM

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