The Secret that Saved My Life
They say that God never gives you more than you can handle but I would be lying if I didn’t admit here that there were times I thought he might have forgotten to turn off the faucet. However, it has been those moments when I am struggling to get out from under the pile that I realize why I am here and even the strength I didn’t know I had.
When you live with abuse, you adjust your life so that upset and disruption are a part of the daily norm. The dreams you had for your children are constantly getting recalibrated mostly because the severity of the situation is too much to digest. You start each day by placing your feet on the floor promising that you will do whatever humanly possible to protect your children from one more grenade attack only to find yourself returning to the same bed at night with tears streaming down your face swearing to God that tomorrow will be different. And, sometimes it is but often times the days just seem to repeat themselves.
Trying to explain the emotions and feelings to another whose life does not mimic yours can be filled with embarrassment and disbelief. How could anyone chose to live like that? How could anyone be amazed that they found themselves under hundreds of sandbags filled with vile words, insults, and humiliating behavior when they have put up with unacceptable for so long? Yet, when I have the opportunity to speak to someone who has walked through the same hellish existence I realize that much more is said with our eyes than our words.
This year unraveled at paces I could never have planned. Agonizing grief for what would never be fixed and guilt of staying too long looking for a cure that ultimately hurt my children more were just some of the hurdles that needed to be jumped. Disruptive behavior and threats, hurtful words and erratic behavior, pain and disappointment seem to dispense like baseballs at an electronic batting cage, but I survived.
I started to see some of the problems with the system when obtaining a permanent restraining order. I saw how the welfare of children is a great political platform but lacks in execution. I witnessed myself getting up each and every time I fell…at first with a struggle and now with more of a bounce.
I HATE what happened to me and hate does not skim the surface of my disdain of what my children had to endure but I started to consider if this is why I am here. Not in my office or in Lambertville but here on earth. Maybe I was tapped on the shoulder to help others not only endure but survive… And that is when I started Heeling, Inc. This organization is going to change the way we currently do business. Women can be the harshest critic of each other and yet when we witness another struggling we can become the most powerful union. I am counting on this and I hope I can count on you. Please…if you believe that no woman or child should live with abuse take a moment to go on Facebook and “like” our page www.Facebook.com/HealingInc. If you would like to commit more to the fight, please join us on the second Wednesday of every month for our meetup in New Hope, Pa at our Shoe Sorority House. I am a shoe designer by trade and I believe that by putting one high-heeled foot in front of the other we can make changes. Are you up for the challenge? Please let me know if you or someone you know is being effected by domestic violence. Ohhh and by the way…the secret is I was never really alone and God doesn’t make mistakes. Kisses Bellas